Hi, I'm Erin Leaked, and you're listening to the In the Middle of It podcast. This is a space for the ambitious woman navigating the beautiful, messy intersection of motherhood, business, and spirituality. We're here to get real about what it actually looks like to build a life that feels aligned from the inside out while moving through the seasons that stretch and shape you into the best version of yourself. So whether you're in a season of high-speed growth or quiet reflection, you're exactly where you're supposed to be. Let's get ready for this week's episode. Hey friend, welcome back to In the Middle of It. This week we're going to talk about why, as ambitious moms, our kids actually are the thing that stop us from pursuing our calling. More than money, more than time, or lack of childcare. But it's not for the reasons you might think. So I hear this on a regular basis, whether it's from other moms, on social media, wherever, that a lot of us have this deep-seated fear that if we take time for ourselves, if we close the door of our office, I mean, to work, if we invest in our own growth, if we prioritize our business, that we are somehow taking that time away from our children. And on like a literal sense, yes, yes. Anytime that you are working, you're probably not with your kids. So yeah, in a literal sense, it does take time, it does take away from your kids in a way. And we're just so conditioned to believe, unfortunately, that to be a good mom, you have to sacrifice yourself in every way possible. But let's get real. Just literally your body to bring these kids into the world. And then also your mind and emotions and everything that happens along with pregnancy. Even if you have children that you did not physically birth, even adoption processes and any other way to grow your family and bring kids into your family, is still taxing in some way. So, as if we haven't already sacrificed ourselves enough, there is this really crappy standard that being a mother means being a martyr. And I just don't really subscribe to that. I don't love it. So today we're gonna dismantle that a little bit and talk about misconceptions that are keeping you stuck in a cycle of guilt and burnout. Because the truth is that when you dedicate yourself to something that is fulfilling and rewarding, whether it be a business or a volunteer opportunity or whatever it is, your kids aren't seeing someone who's distracted, who doesn't love them. They don't think like that. As much as we are told, made to believe that, that's not how they see it. They are actually seeing a woman who is powerful and empowered enough to advocate for herself, take time for herself, and is fulfilled. And we teach them how to be a fulfilled adult by being one ourselves. So let's start with the main concept within this: the belief that you must be physically, mentally available 24-7 during these formative years, or else you're a bad mom. And I have personally struggled with this a lot. I've I mean, I've struggled with all of this a lot, and I still do, in some way, shape, or form. I don't think this is ever gonna go away completely, unfortunately, but it does get better, and we can navigate it a little bit better. And I'm pretty sure there are, there's at least one book I know of that I've gotten like Pinterest ads for and stuff like that. It showed up on my feed in various ways that like being present for the first three years is like absolutely vital to the kids' development. And I haven't read the book, so I don't know. Maybe it's kind of like a clickbaity title of the book, and then when you read it and you get into it, it's not sending the message that that title sounds like it sends. But regardless, I see that book, and I have no desire to read that book because I don't necessarily agree with that. The pressure to be constantly there and constantly on for your kids, it comes from a place of pure love and that you want to give them your best. But the math just doesn't math all the time. We've decided that just being physically present equals like quality presence, and it doesn't. Like, I know that there are a lot of moms that are listening to this right now, and you've spent the whole day with your kids, you're physically there with them, and you've done all the things with them, you've engaged, you've played, you've done this, you've done that. So then by the end of the day, you are mentally starving and you're snappy or you're checked out, scrolling on your phone, like you just need a minute. And our kids can pick up on that when we are there, but we're not really there, you know, when you're just kind of like filling some space in the room. But a mother who honors herself and her ambitions and then returns to her family more soul-filled and joyful is a far better model than one who stays physically present but mentally depleted. Think of it like our cell phone or any device, really. If you use it constantly without ever plugging it into the charger, it dies and it's useless. So we have to find those ways to recharge ourselves. And for us ambitious moms, that usually means something more than just like going to hang out with your girlfriends, although that is included as well. But ultimately, what we're talking about here is doing more than just social outings and self-care and stuff like that. And it's so terrible how much guilt and shame is circulated around moms wanting to be something other than a mom. Especially around homeschooling. This is something that I have been grappling with a lot as our older son gets closer to preschool and pre-K age and all of that, and thinking about what type of education that I want to give him, and also knowing that those can be really big commitments, and I don't know if I want to make them. But then I go online and I get all of this messaging. There's one reel in particular that I saw on Instagram that's popping into my mind right now that was from a homeschooling mom, and it was like a podcast interview or just some kind of interview, something like that, a conversation between this woman and another guy. I don't remember if it was like the father in the situation, whatever. It doesn't matter though. But I remember this reel so vividly because basically she was just kind of sitting on the people, the moms specifically, who wanted to have their own time, who wanted their kids to go to school so that they had their free time back. And saying, like, well, I love being around my kids, so don't you? You know, and just like this really awful messaging around why are you trying to get rid of your kids? They're only kids for so long, yada yada yada. And like, yeah, I get that, but at the same time, some people were just not made to homeschool. I don't know if I am. I don't know if I am that mom. I for sure as heck know that I am not a stay-at-home type mom. I need something more, and I just don't understand why we can't just respect each mom's decision to live their life the way they want to, each woman's decision to live the life she wants to, whether that involves kids or not, whether that involves staying at home or not, whether it's the trad wife trend or something else, mom boss, whatever you want to call it. Why don't we all just do what is gonna make us happy? And why do we have to make each other feel guilty? There's already enough men in the world making us feel guilty. Why do we have to do it to each other? But, anyways, before I start going on and on about that, let's go to the other lie that we tell ourselves that is all around how we contribute to our family. And this can look different depending on your perspective. So, for some women, it can look like the only real contribution that you make to your family is through raising your kids and maintaining the home and all of that. And so when we finally take hold of our unicorn space and embrace our ambitions, we can feel like if we don't immediately bring in a paycheck, then taking time away from what we believe is our main contribution to the family is a waste of some sort, or that taking that time away from the house, away from the kids, away from the family is hindering in some way. And I used to feel this way for sure. I still do a lot of days, honestly, because this coaching business, online business that I have been transitioning to is still relatively new as of early 2026. And even in the past, kind of like on the flip side of this, when I went to the day hospital program, I felt like I was hindering the family because I knew how much the day hospital was going to cost us up to our out-of-pocket maximum. I knew how much that number was, and I felt like, well, if I could have just kept my ish together, then our family wouldn't need to pay this. That is a really crappy way to look at taking care of yourself. Thankfully, then I have a wonderful husband and I have wonderful friends who heard that and said, Yeah, but if you don't do this, let's think about what's gonna happen to the family, to yourself. Let's think about what kind of mom you're going to be without this program. And it changed how I saw that more so as an investment for myself and the family, rather than an expense that cost our family something. Yes, it cost our family dollars. But at the end of the day, I am a heck of a lot better than I was prior to that program and everything else that it has led me to since then. And all of these beliefs ignore more of the invisible contribution that we make with our mental health and our joy and our spirit overall. Our family doesn't just need our hands and bodies present in the home, they need our heart too. Ultimately, that is our main contribution. So contributing a resentful, exhausted version of yourself to your family is not worth that cost. Making the shift before the money comes in your business or whatever you're working on isn't a hindrance. It's an investment. You're planting seeds and growth takes time. You're not going to see the flowers the day that you plant them, but you are planting a garden that so the bottom line is that our contribution to our family is just us being our best selves. It has nothing to do with how much we do at home or how much we put into the bank account. It's about who we are when we walk in the door, who we are when we're around our family. And if that means that you're not a stay-at-home mom or some variation of that, if that means that you don't dedicate your life to your children 24-7, then so be it. I couldn't do that. That's kind of how things were coming together in the first few months of Leon's life, and it was not working for us. And I very quickly realized on the occasional day that I would go out for a session or photograph a wedding, that I just felt so much better after those moments, even though I was tired or something, or like trying to pump in the car before going into a proposal session and juggling all of these things as a mom was tough, but it was so worth it because I got to do what filled my cup up. And then when I got home, you can literally feel the difference in the energy that you bring. And your kids are gonna notice that. And your husband, your partner is going to love that. And I mean, I'm gonna take the risk of being harsh right now and say that if they don't, then maybe that's something to look at. If they are not supportive, if they can't see the change in you when you get to do whatever it is within your unicorn space and appreciate what it does for you as a person, let alone your family, then that might be something to take a look at. And I'll just leave it at that. So let's say you do embrace your unicorn space, then I've definitely heard the objection that if you're working behind a closed door, you're creating distance. So it's better to work like in the kids' presence in some way, usually, say at the dining table. So, you know, you're accessible or what have you. But let's be real, how does that actually go for you? It is not gonna go well. You're half present with your work and half present with your kids. You're constantly interrupted, you're probably getting frustrated, and you eventually end up snapping at them because I'm trying to get some work done. Okay, well, then just go away, honestly, and just go get the work done and just get the work done. Multitasking is a lie. Anyone who tells you that they're a great multitasker is a liar because there is so much research out there to show that task switching, even if it is just like going from your laptop screen, writing an email to your kid for one second and then back, that detracts from your focus. And at the end of the day, your kids don't want 100% of your physical proximity to them, they want your presence. So instead of doing this half-assed notion of work and motherhood, just go somewhere else in the house, close the door, and get two hours of focused, deep work that allows you to then open the door and be the joyful, fully available mom that they actually want. It's not you disappearing for two hours that hurts them. It's the annoyed, distracted mom that hurts the most when you try to do both at the same time. And also by setting that boundary, you're teaching them more about focus and respect, and you're protecting your relationship with them. It doesn't detract from them. And I also hear a lot of moms say that their kids are too young to understand why they're doing this. So, you know, if you have an infant, they just see you leaving, they get upset, you feel guilty, yeah, and and they don't understand. And I get that. It is so hard to balance their immediate tears with your long-term vision, but kids don't need a logical explanation or like your business plan to feel a shift in your energy. If you wait until 10 years old to show them a fulfilled version of yourself, you've already given them a decade of a stifled, distracted mother in some way as their baseline reality. So for now, they may be upset for like 10 minutes when you leave to go work at a coffee shop or when you close the door to your office or whatever it is. But modeling these boundaries for them is the quickest way to raise kids who grow up knowing how to respect their own needs. And for the woman who says, I want to be successful, but I'm not a hustler. I don't want to be a girl boss or someone who's always on her phone. I hear you. I don't either. Especially in the past few months, honestly. If you are a person who tries to communicate with me on a regular basis, outside of text messages, but even sometimes still text messages, you know. I need a solid seven to ten business days. Especially when it's like on social media. I'm sorry, y'all. I just have this weird disdain for my phone lately. So I get it. Especially being a digital CEO and having some kind of online business, whatever that looks like for you, it does involve a lot of our time being on a device. And for me personally, I would prefer that to be my computer rather than my phone all the time. I don't know, it just feels different. Maybe that's just the millennial in me. Who knows? But it kind of also goes with this ridiculous image of success that we've been sold around hustle and the masculine energy and something that probably feels really misaligned with ourselves. But thankfully, alignment is the new hustle. I think this is really taking on traction, especially in the sphere of entrepreneurs who are moms, that you don't have to become the quote unquote girl boss. You get to be an architect of your own time and you get to build the business that honors your family rhythm, your energy rhythms, and the work doesn't feel like a heavy lift. It's more of an energy source. Like I know when I get to record this podcast, when I get to do anything really related to my coaching business, I feel 10 million times better than I do either if I don't get to work on this for a while, or if I'm working on something like my photography business that doesn't necessarily light me up in the same way anymore. And I feel like that's such a perk of being an entrepreneur that there's this other kind of misconception that creating a business has to take a ton of time, or it does take hours and hours and hours. And while, yeah, in the beginning, establishing something new is different than maintaining a well-oiled machine. You know, it's gonna take a little bit more time to set up a website, set up your sales funnels, and all of these other things. Yes, of course. But that doesn't mean that it has to come at the expense of your family. There are plenty of ways that I've talked about in other episodes, so hopefully you've listened to that by now. That you can build a business that is efficient from the jump and that it does not take over your life. Will there be times and seasons? Where your business needs you more than your family. Yes. But will there be times that your family needs you more than your business? And you can adapt to that because you've built an efficient business? Yep. And that is the beauty that a regular, you know, corporate nine to five, it may have been flow. Like even in my previous career as a college administrator, there were definitely plenty of seasons that were super busy. And then obviously over the summer when there's no students around, it was a lot more chill. So yeah, there was still seasons. But at the end of the day, even in the slow season, I still had to be there 8 30 to 4 30. So yeah, it gave me more flexibility to take vacation time. But being an entrepreneur, I could take a week off. Whenever I damn well please. Or one day, someday, there could be times when I take a whole month off in the summer and just get to enjoy my family. And I'll be able to do that because I've built a machine that works on its own, is efficient and flowing, and that I have a whole team to help me support as well. Being an entrepreneur does not mean that you have to hustle. And we've got to stop believing this lie that life is like a zero zero-sum game where you have to choose between being a great mom or a successful entrepreneur. You are one person. The choice between mom and me is an illusion for sure. If you start with the mindset that you are integrating yourself and your ambitions with your mother self, you will carve a path to a life where you don't have to apologize. So we just talked about a whole bunch of different beliefs and misconceptions. So let's recap really quick. First one that I touched upon was just the fear that if we take time for ourselves, we're gonna take time away from our children and our family. And yes, on a logical sense, that is true, but your kids don't see it that way. They are seeing a woman who's teaching them how to be a fulfilled adult by being one herself. And there was the belief that you must be physically and mentally available 24 or 7 during these formative years of your kids' lives, usually the first like you know, five-ish, give or take, depending on what kind of research you're reading. But really, a mom who honors herself and her needs is a far better model than one who stays physically present but mentally depleted. And then we touched upon our contribution to our families. And instead of seeing our ambitions as a hindrance to our family, seeing them more as an investment to the home because you're pouring into more of your spirit, your mental health, and your joy. And that overall is going to serve your family better than any paycheck or subpar presence. And going off of that subpar presence, when we do embrace our ambitions and go after them, it is far better to set some boundaries and have our dedicated focused time rather than trying to multitask and work at the dining room table when the kids are around, because this also teaches them setting healthy boundaries and respecting said healthy boundaries. And I talked about the mom guilt around having really young kids that don't quite understand why sometimes you're there and sometimes you're not. And while they may not logically understand, they are perceptive of your energy. And if you wait until they're 10 years old till they do finally really understand what's going on, or even before that, they've had all of those years to perceive more of a stifled, distracted mother versus versus being upset for 10 minutes when you leave the house or when you go to your office, but when you return, they feel the energy of a joyful, fulfilled mother instead. The bottom line is that you are teaching your kids so much more than you think by going after your ambitions and dreams than just pushing them aside and being a martyr. For our sons, we are showing them what powerful women look like. And we are showing them, and by advocating for ourselves and hopefully our partners supporting that, they're also seeing healthy relationship dynamics and a healthy division of labor at home. We're setting them up to be more involved in their own home later in life because they've already seen dad does just as much at home as mom. They're not seeing, you know, your typical dynamic of mom doing everything at home and kind of carrying that even subconsciously into their future relationships. And they learn to revere and respect powerful women who go after their dreams and speak up for themselves instead of being patronizing about it or dismissing those conversations. Our sons are learning a ton from us being ambitious mothers. And of course, so are our daughters for sure, learning that motherhood is not a place where her dreams go to die. That there is a beautiful example of how she can have her own dreams and aspirations and be her own full person that includes being a mother, but is not engulfed by it, and that it's okay if that's what she wants in her life. There is so much that we're teaching our kids by being ambitious, empowered moms. That just only scratches the surface of it. And all of this to be said, I do want to include the notion that just as much as I could not see myself being a stay-at-home mom, there are plenty of women who can't see anything else for themselves. Some of my friends included. And I never want a mom, a woman, whoever, to be listening to this and feel like I'm doing just as much demonizing to stay-at-home moms as a lot of other people are doing to working moms. That is not what this is about. Like I said earlier, I that I'm a girl's girl. I'm a mom's mom, however you want to put it. I am here for it. If you want to be a stay-at-home mom, and you do want to dedicate your whole entire presence to your kids and homeschool them and spend all your time with them. And if that's what fills you up, then absolutely go freaking do it. Go on with your bad self. But if that doesn't light you up, my point here with this episode and in general, everything that I do and stand for is not to make bad of stay-at-home moms by any means. It's to empower the women who don't identify and resonate with that life, with that version of motherhood, to create their own version of motherhood that does and to help them understand better that wanting to be more than just a mom is not a bad thing by any means. There's room here in the middle of it for all moms who have every and any version of motherhood. So with that, I am Erin Leach. This is In the Middle of It. And my reminder for you this week is that your ambition is not a distraction from your kids and your family. It is a gift to them. So go take up your time. I'll see you next week. Thank you for listening to In the Middle of It. If you found some inspiration in this episode, I'm sure it'll inspire others too. So head over to your podcast player, hit that subscriber follow button, and leave a five-star rating or review. It might seem small, but your review will help more women find these conversations and join our empowering community. You can also empower the women closest to you with simple height. This may be sick of you. So text this episode to a friend, or maybe even your mom, whoever in your life is also in their own messy metal. You can even take a screenshot of this episode, tag me at IMRN Lee, and post it to your stories. I can't wait to connect with you online until we meet back here again next week for the next episode of In the Middle of a Podcast.