Hi, I'm Erin Leak, and you're listening to the In the Middle of It podcast. This is a space for the ambitious woman navigating the beautiful, messy intersection of motherhood, business, and spirituality. We're here to get real about what it actually looks like to build a life that feels aligned from the inside out while moving through the seasons that stretch and shape you into the best version of yourself. So whether you're in a season of high-speed growth or quiet reflection, you're exactly where you're supposed to be. Let's get ready for this week's episode. Hey friend, and welcome back this week to In the Middle of It. I have been thinking a lot about different misconceptions that I hear from moms like us, ambitious go-getters with big dreams and plans for themselves, but also for their family. And one specifically that I'd like to challenge today is the belief that you can simply add on a business to what life is like for you currently, and it'll be fine and it'll work out. And now, like maybe that's true, but often that's not gonna work out, and you're just putting yourself on the fast track to burnout, mental health issues, what have you. So I want to address that because if you want things to be different, you're gonna have to do some different things, and a lot of it is probably gonna be at least a little uncomfortable. Chains in general is not always our favorite. And that's okay. The lowest hanging fruit isn't a new marketing strategy or something, it's really just the logistics around our own home and family. We can't just build a new life on an old foundation. So looking at where everything starts is usually our home and our family. So let's look at the foundation of our lives. I have mentioned this book now so many times in recent episodes that you're probably getting sick of it. But Eve Rodsky's book, Fair Play, honestly, is amazing. It's been really transformational for me, just in terms of how I see the mental load and the division of labor in the house, but also how to approach this topic in general with my husband. So if you haven't heard of it, Eve has essentially gamified the system of household division of labor by turning every single task into a quote-unquote card. She has legit cards that you can buy, um, but I don't think that's really necessary. So you think of everything from grocery shopping, taking the dog out, taking the dog to the bet, sending the Christmas cards, all of that. And usually, as moms, we are holding a lot of those cards. And even when we do ask for help with something, it's not usually the whole task. It's usually just a small piece of the task, and it's usually temporary. It's not like the thing is completely off our plate forever. And this is where her concept of CPE comes in: conception, planning, and execution. And most of the time, our partners are great with helping with the execution, the actual doing of the thing. But we still get stuck with the conception and the planning of the thing. So if you think about sending Christmas cards, I know for my family, when we do send Christmas cards or party invitations or something like that, I'm doing the design, I'm gathering the guest list. I may ask for Scott's input on the guest list here and there. And then if we're sending something physical, I will definitely ask him for help in terms of addressing the labels and stamping, all that kind of stuff. But those pieces that he's helping me with, while they are helpful, it's only a small percentage of the actual task in and of itself. And especially around the home. You know, as moms, we're usually the ones who are realizing that the milk is out or toothpaste is almost gone. We put it on the grocery list, we make sure that it gets ordered, purchased, whatever. Make sure that a new one ends up in our house somehow. All of that is still a mental drain on us. And to alleviate some of that, so that you have more of your own space mentally and physically, we have to help your partner move from helper energy to owner energy. When he owns a card in the house, he gets the whole thing. Planning, doing, and remembering, all of it. And and I will say that following the CPE strategy, it works for a lot of stuff. It doesn't necessarily work for everything for every family. I know for us that, say the dishes. Scott mostly does all of the dishes. But there are plenty of times that you just gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. So yeah, there are days where I do the dishes. There are days when I'm the one emptying the dishwasher. It's not a hundred percent all the time. But in the process of having this conversation, we were able to discover where we could improve a little bit and where Scott could take some more ownership of some things, even if it's not the whole CPE. But we do have a clear understanding of where our roles lie in certain tasks around the house or just in our life in general. I think depending on the family, it might be necessary for you to just go over the full ownership of full CPE 0 to 100 A to Z. It might just be easier to be clear that way. Until you develop a rhythm and all of that where you can have a little bit more flexibility. And now this is just like scratching the surface of everything that she talks about in the book. I could probably record an episode all on the book and still not cover everything. But I do believe in general that being able to use the fair play system in some way, at the very least, just opens the door to the conversation. Just acknowledging this process in your home can also just create some confidence around the concept in general, in just day-to-day life, in being able to advocate for yourself and what you need, what you deserve, quite frankly, and lead to some change in your family. In a spirituality sense, there is the law of correspondence as well, which is as within, so without really like foundational concept in spirituality, that if your internal environment, your home environment are cluttered with all of these tasks and even maybe resentment towards your partner, there is no room for anything else. It sends the message that essentially you're at capacity, you can't handle anything else. So why would the universe want to give you anything else when there's no room for it? So by shifting these cards, whether literal fair play cards or metaphorically, and you're letting your partner fully own them or just step more into their role as a household manager alongside you, you're finally freeing up your brain to step into the concept that I really love from fair play is unicorn space. This is basically that creative fulfillment, the business idea, the more than a mom spark that really makes you you. And I really want you to hear when I say this, that your unicorn space is a necessity, it is not a luxury. It is not just something that is nice to have, it is time and space and energy that belongs to you. And as we talked about in a previous episode, if you're being called to build something and you have had this calling for a long time, or even not a long time, but it just feels like such a strong feeling, it is for a divine reason that you are meant to do that. And when you suppress that calling because you're just too busy being a martyr for your household chores, you're dimming this light that you are meant to share. And meanwhile, there is somebody out there waiting for you to do the thing. There's somebody out there who is struggling or challenged or suffering in some kind of a way, and they need you to do that thing. So if you're having a hard time navigating this conversation, just think about that. Like I have a moral obligation to my unicorn space and to owning that and going for it. And maybe that doesn't motivate you. So then just find what does. Because I know that a lot of the times the question will pop into your head of how do I even bring this up without it turning into a fight? Or it might just be a statement that I could not bring this up without it turning into a fight. And we're not trying to say that our partners don't do enough. I really want to emphasize that because we know that they do. We all do enough. But what you are saying to them by bringing this to their attention is that hey, I am growing and evolving, and I've realized that to be the woman and mother that I want to be, we need to look at this load together. It's you and your partner versus the problem, not the two of you against each other. So maybe the answer is for them to take more responsibilities, maybe. Or maybe it's just a creative solution, like hiring a house cleaner, or just straight up deciding that some things aren't worth doing anymore. It's an invitation for this person who loves you so dearly and deeply to support the version of you that's coming alive. And I know that unfortunately, we do not all have partners who are that supportive. And quite frankly, as a person who is clearly not like a therapist or anything like that, I don't always know how to navigate that. Just to be perfectly transparent. Because if it were up to me, then yeah, we all would have wonderfully supportive partners. We'd have no problem bringing these conversations up to them. Maybe even not even needing to have these conversations and already having the unicorn space that we deserve. But I know that that is not the case. As unfortunate as that is. And quite frankly, the only thing that I've been able to come up with is looking at the law of reflection that basically our partners reflect sometimes our own lack of self-belief. I maybe know this to be true personally. Maybe, maybe not. But if you treat your business like a little hobby, a little side thing, oh, it's nothing, it's not important, then they will too. But when you start treating your time and your calling as sacred, the world around you, including your partner, ideally, will begin to shift in response. And while I may not be able to give you specific advice here on this podcast that is generalized enough to be applicable to whoever is listening, I definitely welcome you to send me a message, Instagram, TikTok, wherever, and we can totally talk this through. I'm more than happy to do that and help you figure out a way to navigate this kind of like sticky situation. So, as usual, our little practical takeaway. I want you to look at the deck that you're holding, again, literal, metaphorical, whatever, and ask yourself for one task. Is this more important than my calling? Is the grip that I have on this task more important than the calling that I have? Or the hopes and dreams that I have, however you want to phrase it to yourself, find that one thing and just let that thought simmer. Is being the person who remembers where the socks are really more important than this daydream. Is it really more important than this aspiration that you have? And a common concern or objection that I often get is that by letting go of a household card or asking for more space or whatever it is that we are somehow failing as mothers, as wives. But the reality is that honestly, the most generous gift that you can give to your children is the sight of a mother who respects her own soul enough to let it do what it is meant to do, to advocate for herself, to take up space, to be more than the person who folds their clothes for both our sons and our daughters. Stepping into more of this matriarch role and setting aside that martyr mindset teaches them so much. So, with that, I am Erin Leach, and my reminder for you this week is that you are a matriarch. You are powerful, and the world is just waiting on you to own it and share that with the rest of us. I'll see you next week. If you found some inspiration in this episode, I'm sure it'll inspire others too. So head over to your podcast player, hit that subscribe or follow button, and leave a five-star rating or review. It might seem small, but your review will help more women find these conversations and join our empowering community. You can also empower the women closest to you with this. This may be good. Whoever in your life is also in their own message. You can even take a screenshot of this episode, tag me at IMRN Lee, and post it to your stories. I can't wait to connect with you online until we meet back here again next week for the next episode of In the Middle of It.